


The Diary of Glenn

by ornategrip



Category: Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Crack, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-30
Updated: 2012-04-30
Packaged: 2017-11-04 14:56:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/395112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ornategrip/pseuds/ornategrip
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seasons 1 and 2, as seen through Glenn's diary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Diary of Glenn

**Author's Note:**

> For [this](http://twd-kinkmeme.livejournal.com/2684.html?thread=2185852#t2185852) prompt on the TWD kink meme.
> 
> Contains a few racial slurs.

Dear Diary,

Daryl Dixon is a bag of dicks.

Seriously, he’s a goddamned redneck hillbilly and he’s giving me shit for being Chinese? I’m Korean. KOR.E.AN! I speak english just fine, motherfucker. You’re the one nobody can understand. Further more, where the hell do all his sleeves go? Does he sit up late at night just hacking away at all his clothes? Come winter, he sure as hell is going to regret that and then he’s going to be all ‘Glenn, Glenn, can you get me some sleeves, I’m so cold’ and that’ll show him.

Oh yeah. Also zombies have taken over the earth so that blows.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Camping sucks. The ground is hard, there’s no A/C and after a while, all the food tastes the same. I was having a hell of a time getting my tent up, there was like ten million plastic pole thingies, Dale had handed me the bag saying ‘no instructions but you’ll figure it out’.

Thanks Dale. No really, thanks. Do I look like I go camping every weekend? The closest I’ve ever come to camping was playing Red Dead Redemption and my cowboy slept outside.

And of course, while I’m standing there like a dumbass, pieces of tent lying all around me who should come sauntering up but Daryl ‘bag of dicks’ Dixon. He shoved me out the way, called me a stupid chinaman and set my tent up for me. Showing off just how much better than me he is at this shit.

He is such a dick.

Glenn

PS: he still didn’t have any sleeves on, what the fuck.

*

Dear Diary,

Squirrel is surprisingly yummy. That might be the hunger pangs talking. Daryl went hunting and brought a bunch of squirrels back. He threw one at me so he’s still a douche. 

Glenn

*

Dear Diary, 

I specifically brought him back shirts with sleeves and who shows up at breakfast this morning with no sleeves? Daryl Dixon. I finally have proof he is cutting all the sleeves off! Now if I could only find out what he’s doing with the sleeves. Maybe he’s throwing them in the fire when I’m not looking?

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Amy read my diary and was all ‘you sure talk about Daryl a lot’ and I’m like, have you no shame? A man’s diary is sacred. SACRED. I had an extra deodorant that I picked up on one of my runs that I was going to give to her. I gave it to Jacqui instead. A woman with cheekbones like that deserves to smell nice.

And I do NOT talk about Daryl all the time.

Glenn

PS: I snuck around his campsite while he and his brother were gone. I couldn’t find the sleeves. This is driving me insane.

*

Dear Diary,

Whoa. Saw Shane and Lori banging in the woods. They should really pick a better place that isn’t _ten feet from my tent_. It’s just rude, if you ask me. You don’t see me jacking off near _their_ tent. Could have been worse, I suppose. I could have caught Daryl jacking off. Wouldn’t want to see that.

Wouldn’t want to see that at all.

Glenn

PS: I give Shane a 9 for technique. That man sure can go at it.

*

Dear Diary,

Carol has been washing my clothes for me. I feel kind of bad about it, like I should be washing my own damn clothes, you know? Carol says she doesn’t mind but still. I’ll try to bring her back something nice when I go on another run.

Now, if someone could manage to wash Daryl’s clothes - that would be a miracle. I feel dirty just looking at him. Maybe I can talk Carol into doing it, it’d be easy, not like he has any sleeves to wash. I’d tell her not to touch Merle’s clothes though. That dude looks like he has the clap.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

More squirrel soup today, I can’t believe Daryl can still find squirrels to kill. He came by while I was eating, asked me if I liked it. Of course I like it! It’s meat. I LOVE meat. I guess I was a little too enthusiastic because he got kind of a weird look on his face when I said that but who knows what’s going on in that head of his. Then he said he’s going to try to get a deer, that way we can have some venison.

Never had venison before. He says it tastes pretty good. God knows I’m missing me some hamburger right now. I swear, if a cow ever shows up in front of me, I’m going to kill it without hesitation. You’re going down, hypothetical cow.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

If I thought Daryl was a douche, that was before I had to deal with Merle. Did you know he does drugs? Illegal drugs. Where the hell is he getting illegal drugs?? Did he have like some massive cocaine stash somewhere? I honestly did not realize junkies thought that far ahead.

And now the guy wants to come along with me to Atlanta! This is going to be so fucked up, you don’t even know. At least T-Dog will be there, he’s about as big as Merle. I am so not looking forward to this trip. I can do just fine on my own, don’t know why people suddenly want to come along now. I tried to complain to Shane but he was too busy sexing up Lori.

Daryl says just to keep quiet and stay out of Merle’s way. Then he punched me in the shoulder and told me to take care of myself. Said he’d have a deer for me when I came back.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Oh snap. The dude we brought back from Atlanta is Lori’s dead husband! Well, he isn’t dead but you know what I mean. There’s going to be some drama up in here. This is just like those soap operas my mom used to watch all the time before they all got canceled. At least it’ll stop Shane and Lori from banging where I can hear them. Seriously, those two never stop.

Oh shit, what if Carl isn’t Rick’s real son? That would be a plot twist! 

Wait a minute. Where’s Merle?

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

We left Merle to die. I feel like shit. Daryl isn’t talking to me.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

We went back for Merle, found his severed hand, I carried it in my backpack because Daryl asked me to. This is my life now. Severed hands in backpacks. Also, holy shit, Daryl wasn’t kidding when he said Dixons were as tough as shit. I cry when I get a hangnail. Can you imagine hacking your own hand off? Color me impressed.

Although, now that I think about it, the cocaine might have made it easier.

Also, I got kidnapped but that worked out okay.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Why the hell didn’t we just hotwire a car? Running back to the damn quarry damn near killed me and then the walkers we found damn near killed me again. This blows. Most of the camp is dead. Amy is dead.

I couldn’t sleep but Daryl came and sat by me and we waited for the dawn.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

I yelled at Daryl today.

If we can go back for Merle Dixon, we sure as hell can take the time to bury our dead. I want to be able to say some words at Amy’s grave.

Jim got bit. This really fucking blows.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary, 

Daryl took night watch with me. He didn’t say anything but I’m pretty sure that was his way of saying sorry. I shouldn’t have been so harsh. The man did sorta kinda lose a brother, even if that brother was Merle. 

I told him I didn’t care about what he did with his sleeves, they were his to wear or not to wear. He was a little confused about that but I didn’t feel like explaining that I used to sneak around his tent looking for his sleeves.

Seems kind of weird, in retrospect.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Sometimes I honestly cannot tell if Rick is talking out of his ass or not. Shane seems to think so, but then again, I get the feeling Shane just likes thinking about Rick’s ass. Which is weird considering how much sex he was having with Lori. Maybe he was pretending Lori was Rick the whole time?

Whatever. Seems like we’re going to the CDC. I wasn’t sure about going but then Daryl said he’d go. He has pretty good survival instincts so I said yes too. I will follow his sleevelessness where ever it may go. Seems a good a plan as any.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

We left Jim on the side of the road, which sounds terrible but it was what he wanted. I asked Daryl if he would put me down if I ever turned. I wouldn’t want to be a walker. He said he would but he didn’t look too happy about it. He didn’t ask me the same and I’m grateful. I’m not sure I could do it.

But no, Daryl won’t ever get bit. If anybody can survive this hell, it’s Daryl Dixon. Makes me feel a little better, knowing that.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Safe in the CDC, Rick was right after all. All Jenner wanted was a little blood, which may have been a weird request before but it certainly seems run-of-the-mill now. Blood? Sure, take as much as you want if it means I get a meal and a hot shower after.

Jenner seems nice, if a little odd, but after all these zombies, aren’t we all a little odd?

Glenn

PS: Shane was kind of a bummer at dinner. No surprises there.

*

Dear Diary,

I masturbated so much in that shower, my dick hurts.

I drank so much wine, my head hurts.

Daryl cleans up nice, who knew?

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Doctor Jenner crazy.  
CDC exploded.  
Jacqui dead.

Other than that, nothing new.

Glenn.

PS: I miss Jacqui.

*

Dear Diary,

Daryl is riding his brother’s motorcycle now. I’d never tell him this, but he looks crazy awesome on it. Like a total badass. The lack of sleeves makes him an even bigger badass, I mean, doesn’t that hurt? Bugs and stuff hitting his bare arms?

Maybe he needs a leather jacket or something. Bikers usually wear leather jackets. He has that leather vest, though. I know I gave him my blessing for his sleevelessness but I’m seriously beginning to wonder if it’s some kind of compulsion. Like if he ever had to wear sleeves, his brain would implode.

I wonder if I can get him to teach me how to ride a motorcycle. I owned a scooter once. It wasn’t the same. 

We’re heading to Fort Benning now. Shane’s kind of all smug and pissed at the same time. I think I’ll let Rick handle that.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Shit shit shit shit.

Sophia is lost in the woods.

Shit.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

The church was creepy. I know some people feel like churches are holy places but that church was just plain creepy. I’m glad I turned that speaker off, it was way too horror movie for my taste and since I live in a zombie apocalypse, that’s saying something.

Shane and Rick are fighting again, it’s pretty obvious. Shane and Lori are fighting too. Rick and Lori don’t seem too happy with each other right now, either.

So it’s like Daddy and Daddy and Mommy are fighting. I would like at least two of our parents to get along but no dice. I feel like we would all benefit if the three of them went to therapy.

Daryl is the shit at this tracking stuff. When it came to killing the walkers in the church, I let him use my machete! I got to hold his crossbow. I feel like we’ve really become friends.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

While Carol took some time in the church, I asked Daryl where he learned his tracking skills. He said it was just something he grew up with. Hunting, tracking, I told him I wished I had grown up with those awesome skills.

He said I was good at figuring things out, like when it came to grabbing the guns and such. Had me a head for strategy.

That’s right, Glenn: Resident Genius. Boom. I feel awesome.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Carl got shot. A chick on a horse told us so and then Lori jumped up with her and they rode off into the sunset. What the fuck?

She gave us directions, at least. That’s something.

Glenn

PS: Merle had the clap! I fucking knew it! I should get a prize and that prize should not be the clap.

*

Dear Diary,

I have to go take T-Dog to the farm because his arm is infected. Daryl is going to stay behind. Not too happy with that but I understand. If anybody can find Sophia, it’s Daryl. I bet he isn’t going to sleep tonight, will probably go looking for her.

He’s a good guy.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Shane shaved his head. It’s a surprisingly good look for him. He has a nice shaped head. I’ll have to mention it to him next chance I get.

I said as much to Daryl and he got all pissed off, saying nobody shaves his head just because. That Shane was losing his damn mind. Then he stormed off while giving me the finger. Wonder what bug got up his butt.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Everybody dropped me down a well that had a walker in it.

On the plus side, I got to tell Shane about his nice shaped head.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Maggie kissed me in the pharmacy and then took off her shirt. I panicked and had sex with her. Other people, when they panic, they drop stuff, or trip. Me, I put my penis in someone.

FML.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

It’s okay. Maggie hates me now.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Daryl fell off a cliff, stabbed himself with his own arrow and then Andrea shot him in the head.

I’m going to find all his shirts and cut off their sleeves. If this is what happens when he wears sleeves, I never want to see his arms covered again. I snuck into his room after everybody went to sleep. Either he was still awake or he’s a light sleeper because as soon as I got into the room, he turned to me.

Lifted the blanket and let me curl right up next to him. Best sleep I’ve had in a long time.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Maggie sent me a note last night saying she wanted to talk to me. Part of me just wants to ignore it. What if I panic again and we have sex? And on the farm to boot? Her dad has a rifle, I’ve seen it. I don’t want to die with my pants around my ankles. There’s just no dignity in that.

Oh, to hell with it. I’ll tell her to meet me in the barn hayloft. Hershel doesn’t seem to hang around there. It should be safe. I’m going to wear a belt so it’ll be harder to get my pants off if I do start panicking.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Lori is pregnant and there are walkers in the barn.

FML MORE.

Glenn

* 

Dear Diary,

Rick and Shane should just make out already. This is getting ridiculous.

I told Dale all this UST was just stupid and if I was ever in a situation like that, I would just man up and sex it out. He stared at me for a second then patted me on the head, muttering something those in glass houses.

Whatever.

I went to hang out with Daryl. He understands me.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

I think Daryl was right about Shane cutting his hair. He went all drill sergeant on us, opened up the barn doors so we had to kill all the walkers. Felt bad for Maggie since her step-mom and step-brother were in there but did what I had to do.

And then Sophia came out.

Rick did what he had to do. I don’t think I could have done it. Daryl held on to Carol. I don’t think I could have done that either. I just feel so sad.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Daryl moved his tent way out far. Hershel went out and got drunk and now me and Rick have to go bring him back. I really want to go talk to Daryl but I guess it’ll have to wait. Shouldn’t take that long to find Hershel anyway. He’s an old man, not like he can get far.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

I can honestly say I never realized what a complete and utter badass Rick Grimes is. He killed two dudes in like two seconds. It’s okay though. I’m pretty sure they were evil. 

Which begs the question, why did we bring one of them home? Not the dead ones, a live one who fell on a fence after shooting at us. I really feel like I should emphasize the ‘shooting at us’ part. Seems like a weird decision but Rick just killed two guys. I really wasn’t about to complain too much.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Apparently, Lori crashed Maggie’s car. She was trying to find Rick because Beth was doing worse. What was she going to do? Tell us to find Hershel, MORE? We were already looking for him.

Lori confuses me.

Glenn

PS: Who was watching Carl while both Rick and Lori were gone?

*

Dear Diary,

I totally freaked out when I saw Daryl wearing sleeves again but so far so good. He hasn’t fallen or gotten stabbed or gotten shot. So I guess my sleeves=death theory is wrong. I’ll be keeping an eye on the situation.

Glenn

ETA: Oh, I just thought of this. Maybe because it combines the vest WITH the sleeves, that’s why it hasn’t ended in tragedy! Okay, Daryl, keeping rocking your vest/long sleeve jacket thingie combo. I allow it.

*

Dear Diary,

No seriously. Who is watching Carl, like ever?

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Rick and Shane are going to take Randall somewhere far and drop him off. If it had just been Shane saying ‘drop him off’ I would have taken it as an euphemism for ‘kill him dead’. But Rick is going with so I guess they really are going to drop off Randall.

You should see the looks Rick and Shane have been trading. On this trip, they will either beat the hell out of each other or fuck each other’s brains out.

Glenn

ETA: They beat the hell out of each other. Shame, that.

*

Dear Diary,

Daryl interrogated Randall, which I think just means ‘punched repeatedly in the face’. The guy ended up a talking. Daryl says if Randall’s group finds us, we’ll be dead and the women will wish they were dead. 

Yikes. This Randall seems like he hung out with a bunch of assholes. 

Afterwards, Daryl pulled me aside and told me to keep my distance from Randall, like I was going to go talk to that ass monkey, anyway. Then later I overheard him telling Rick I shouldn’t be on watch duty because I was too pretty (?). I must have heard wrong.

I’m not pretty.

I am manly and handsome.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Earlier this morning, Daryl took me out to the edge of the field and taught me how to shoot his crossbow. It was pretty fun but I can’t aim for shit. This was much easier on my x-box. A couple of times he had to stand behind me, real close, to show me what to do.

He smells like a fusion of vanilla hand soap and motorcycle musk.

Glenn

PS: Maybe _I_ should get a vest.

*

Dear Diary,

I mentioned to Andrea that Daryl let me handle his crossbow and she said “It’s about damn time!” and then demanded details. I was just in the middle of explaining how important it was to make sure the arrows were loaded correctly, when she threw her hands in the air.

She declared I was too dense for words and stalked off.

Women are weird.

Glenn

PS: I saw Carl running out of the woods. Once again, I have to ask, does anybody watch that kid? This _is_ the zombie apocalypse, isn’t it? Think you’d be more careful with your child.

*

Dear Diary,

So I voted to kill a guy today. We all did, except for Dale and Andrea. Dale was pretty disappointed but man, Randall’s group seems like real assholes and Daryl keeps muttering about how I’m too pretty and that it’ll get me in trouble some day. Kind of creepy, really.

Daryl, Rick and Shane are going to take Randall to the barn and shoot him. Seems needlessly complicated to me. They should just open the shed doors and shoot him before he knows what’s happening.

But what do I know?

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Whoops. Carl interrupted the execution so Rick couldn’t go through with it.

I’m beginning to think Lori is physically incapable of watching her son. Like maybe if she looks directly at Carl, her eyeballs stop working. Like staring at the sun. Get it? Sun/Son?

I can’t believe I’m resorting to puns.

Glenn

PS: I am going to put a leash on Carl and tie it to a post in the yard. Daryl agrees. He’s pretty sure the little bastard stole his gun.

 

*

Dear Diary,

Dale is dead. This isn’t fair. I’m sorry I voted to kill Randall, Dale. I’m sorry.

I have to go comfort Daryl now. He’s the one who put Dale out of his misery.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Daryl brought his tent back close to the rest of ours. I never did get around to talking to him about that but Carol did. I don’t know what she did but it worked.

I vote Carol to be our new mommy. Lori, you are out!

Glenn

PS: He put his tent right up to mine so it’s like we’re neighbors!

*

Dear Diary

Soooo, why didn’t anybody tell me they were going out to kill walkers? I mean, I go inside for like two seconds and when I come out the truck is gone! I asked Rick where everybody was and he said they went to check the perimeter and kill any walkers they found close to the farm. When I protested that I should have gone along too, he said I was better off here.

Let me get this straight: I’ve been regulated to the same group as Lori and Hershel? Is this about the whole freezing when _bullets whizzed by my head_? Because let me tell you, these are two different scenarios we’re talking about.

For one thing, walkers DON’T carry guns.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

I am not talking to Daryl.

I told him it wasn’t fair that I didn’t get to go help kill walkers and he said it was best that I stay at the farm! Oh and then he added that I shouldn’t “worry my pretty head about it.”

I called him a bad word.

I would move my tent away from his but I still don’t know how to set that sucker up. He put the tent up for me when we first got here.

Dammit.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Still not talking to Daryl.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Carol came by earlier and said I should forgive Daryl. That’s he’s just awkward and he means well.

I don’t know. He _has_ been pretty mopey lately...

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

I talked to Daryl. I told him that I understood that he was just trying to look out for me and while I appreciated his concern, I am fully capable of taking care of myself.

He ran away.

Then he came back fifteen minutes later and asked if I wanted to practice shooting with the crossbow. Carol was right; he is awkward. 

Glenn

PS: Of course I went crossbow shooting with him. I can recognize a peace-offering when I see it.

*

Dear Diary,

Randall is still here, did I mention? He’s been living in the shed.

That’s going to change though. Rick and Daryl are going to drop him off somewhere, honoring Dale’s final wish. I think it’s for the best. Goes a little towards making things right with Dale, even in death.

Shane isn’t too happy about it, I guess that’s why Rick is taking Daryl instead of him. Who knows what would happen if Rick and Shane went off together again.

Hint: They would beat the crap out of each other again. That’s what would happen.

I told Daryl to be careful. I don’t trust this Randall guy, even if I don’t want him dead anymore.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Me and Daryl went out for a nighttime stroll and it was nice. Just kidding. It was terrifying.

Randall escaped! so we had to go hunt him down. Rick and Shane went off together, leaving me and Daryl to do our thing. Or mostly for Daryl to do his thing. I just followed him like a little puppy.

A puppy with a machete.

I had a machete is what I’m saying. I was like, Daryl’s bodyguard.

And then Randall’s dead body attacked us and I choked. Not for long though! I managed to chop Undead Randall through the forehead. Daryl was proud of me. But then things got weird (because reanimated dead bodies by themselves are not weird anymore), Randall’s neck was broken and he had no bite marks.

Daryl thinks Shane killed Randall but he can’t explain why he turned. I was totally freaked out on the way back to the farm and Daryl kept his hand on the small of my back. It helped.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

I had to get in the car with Maggie because it’s not like it’s awkward or uncomfortable or anything. /sarcasm.

Dammit, Daryl, your motorcycle looks awesome cool but you need another vehicle, one I can ride along in. I can’t shoot and cling to your back and shoulders and your sleeves at the same time. I am not that coordinated.

Glenn

PS: Be safe, Daryl.

*

Dear Diary,

We lost the farm, had to abandon it to the walkers. We’re going to head back to the highway. I know everybody will be there.

Daryl will be there. I just know it.

Please.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Daryl is alive and gave me shit about my driving.

I missed you too, Daryl. I am going to hump you later.

Whoa, whoa! HUG, HUG you later. I meant to write HUG you later. I think my brain is trying to tell me something.

Glenn

PS: We lost Shane, Andrea and Patricia but I don’t want to think about that.

*

Dear Diary,

I went and read through my diary.

I think I’m in love with Daryl.

Glenn

*

Dear Diary,

Just reread it again.

I am definitely in love with Daryl.

Glenn

*  
Dear Diary,

Panicked quietly while driving the car. Nobody seemed to notice. Carol rode with Daryl on his motorcycle. Carol, I love you, I voted you mommy, but man, every time I saw you holding on to Daryl, I wanted to cut a bitch. I wish I was riding with Daryl. I wish I was _riding_ Daryl. See? Panic = sex. I think I might have a problem.

Had to stop when Rick’s truck ran out of gas. Looks like we’re going to stay here the night. I need to figure what I’m going to do about my sweet, sweet love for Daryl.

Glenn

PS: So we’re all infected? I’d rather have the clap.

*

Dear Diary,

Me and Daryl went looking for firewood while the others set up camp for the night. I was so nervous I was sweating even though it’s like super cold right now. Then I thought I’d try to feel him out, you know? See if he even likes dudes. But do it smooth and stealthy, so he wouldn’t even realize what I was up to.

You know I fail at these types of things, right?

I was babbling, I don’t even know what I was trying to say but somehow I ended up asking him what he thought about penises. He said he enjoyed his and then I said I wanted to enjoy his too.

I can’t believe that worked.

Glenn

PS: Making out with Daryl is the BEST THING EVER.

*

Dear Diary,

So Rick killed Shane because Shane tried to kill him. If they had just made out, none of this would have ever happened. 

Goodbye, Shane. I will miss your nice shaped head.

Glenn

PS: Remind me to never piss Rick off.

*

Dear Diary,

It wasn’t so cold last night, not with Daryl cuddling up next to me. Carol was pleased and Maggie looked disturbingly understanding, like she just figured something out that made sense all along. If Carol and Maggie figured out my epic love for Daryl before me, I am going to be so pissed.

We did some more scouting, looks like there’s a prison nearby. We might try to head for there, hole up for the winter. As long as Daryl is with me, I don’t care.

Glenn

PS: Rick is all mad at me now because I called him Ricktator. Hope I don’t get stabbed in the chest. 

Nah. Daryl would never let that happen.


End file.
